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Judging by this official announcement, my girl Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), the discombobulated high priestess of 30 Rock, is really getting married to her affable BF Chris Chross (James Marsden). I've grown to love Chris, so this is welcome news. The jokes in this "save the date" note seal it.
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But I'll nevertheless miss these onetime Lemon paramours. Naturally I've ranked them from fifth to first.
5. Wesley Snipes
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The bike-riding (nay, velocipede-riding) Brit basically threatened Liz with marriage, saying he'd be the best she'd ever find, and I think he might've been right. I particularly enjoyed when he defended his name. " If you were shown a picture of [the actor Wesley Snipes] and a picture of me, and were asked 'who should be named Wesley Snipes,' you'd pick the pale Englishman every time! Every time, Liz!"
4. Liz's cousin Gray, "The Hair"
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He appeared in just one episode in the first season, but this devastatingly hunky dude seemed pretty perfect before he and Liz figured out they were related. Gray was willing to jump those family tree branches, but Liz barked, "Unacceptable no matter what!" and stormed out. Pick me, Gray!
3. Gretchen Thomas
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Jack Donaghy set up Liz on a date with Gretchen, this gorgeous beaut (Stephanie March), in season one, and Liz quickly became obsessed with their friendship. Gretchen ducked out due to Liz's heterosexuality, but not before Liz clamored, "Is this because I wanted to submit us for The Amazing Race? Because I was 80% joking about that."
2. Dr. Drew Baird
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Drew. So stupid. So beautiful. And so hook-handed because of a helicopter accident. What else do you need to know? He's the perfect man.
1. Dennis. Sigh. Dennis.
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And now, the entirety of Dennis' hilarious goodbye letter to Liz Lemon. This is the man who routinely referred to her as "dummy," of course:
"Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried. I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation," which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights."
Yes, Dennis! A milion times yes! I accept!
